Am I living or am I dying?

It was in the Glen Nevis campsite, Sept 2025, that I got the first phone call.

‘This is Northwick Park respiratory team and you have an in-person appointment with Dr X in 3 days’ time’ she said.

‘’Sorry’ I replied ‘I am in Scotland about to do a 3-day canoe trip, I can’t get back in time. What is this about?’

‘He wants a PET scan. I’ll ask him if he can speak to you on the phone’.

And so it began. I looked up PET scan on google; it said PET scans look for signs of cancer alongside the one you HAVE. No one told me I had cancer… I had a CT scan on 1st July and no one had called, until now. I operated on no news is good news. So what the F… was this? I stopped eating and sleeping. I called my wife and told her how worried I was. Did I have cancer? Should I come home? But what about Phillip and the plans we had made to canoe up the Caledonian canal and then go on to Cannich?

I spoke to Phillip and we decided to go ahead with our planned trip. We were to leave the next day, so I packed my gear and slept fitfully that night. Worried I was dying from a tumour in my lungs and worried about our proposed 3-day trip from Fort William to Fort Augustus.

The canoe trip was eventful. It was also beautiful, views of Ben Nevis, forests and dry campsites next to the loch. Oh my word but the WIND. We had been warned that Loch Lochy (day 2) could be ‘like the sea’ and it was. The wind was terrific and there were white capped waves which threatened to wash over our boats. Each time I wanted to stop, Phillip said let’s just go a little further, and after 4 and half hours we were out of the wind and at a campsite next to Laggan Locks. It had a shower, toilet and a coffee kiosk with amazing cakes. I was in my tent and asleep by 7pm.

The following day was the best – no wind, sunshine and more forest, gentle hills covered in brown ferns and a safe landing at Fort Augustus. A friendly taxi driver who took us back to our cars and a hearty meal at the campsite café. That night, as I settled into my warm micro cabin, I thought how much I had enjoyed our adventure and I had an epiphany, Was I living or was I dying? Both, I decided. We are always both.